Mathew Carley

I was in the shower the other morning, and I was wondering: why don’t they run good or happy news channels?

No, I’m not talking about the occasional piece of good news that you get in all the major news outlets everywhere – I mean news thats *always* good, with a good take on even bad situations.

Watch any international news channel and they’re usually covering a war or conflict, problems in financial markets, or things to do with local police activities, murders and the like.

But this “Happy News” idea would be doomed to fail from the start.

Good news is usually boring, unless it involves sport. Partly because good news is often unexpected, but also partly because it means someone is doing better than the viewer. And the viewers don’t like that. You may have noticed yourself resenting someone whos just done well.

Generally speaking people are miserable (particularly in the developed world) – the news shows them that there are people out there who are more miserable, and this allows people to remain in a “relative” state of happiness, which satisfies all but a lucky few who actually have the drive to do better for themselves or their environment or community.

People are becoming accustomed to living in fear, or misery, or whatever, because they don’t want to build up hope, only to have it destroyed by something else. People like feeling “better off” than other people.

Can you imagine if the news started reporting an article like this:

Guy on Acid discovers the meaning of life – Cop lets him go.
San Francisco
Today in downtown San Francisco,  a man was arrested for being high on acid. While in custody, he revealed to the arresting officer the meaning of life, and the cop put down his donut and let him go, deciding instead to take the rest of the afternoon of to go and treat his wife to a nice afternoon in the park.

Or what about…

Iraq war ends, oil profits seep to the community.
Baghdad
Today in Baghdad, the Iraq war ended and the government began the process of shelling out money to citizens in order to rebuild their lives and create a stable economy. The amounts given to each citizen received averaged out to be $20,000, making Iraq a first-world nation for the first time since the Ottoman empire collapsed.

The Iraqi government successfully also encouraged neighbouring Iran and Afghanistan to funnel profits to its citizens as well, in order to accelerate the stabilisation of the Middle East, bringing it to its former glory.

…

Can you imagine how *pissed* people in other (first world) countries would be? All the Yanks can get out of their government is a $300 tax break every now and then (unless they’re rich – then its more).

But you know what would happen. With the obliteration of the status quo, people in the first world nations far and wide would create pandemonium in their own countries – civil wars, demanding that the taxes they had paid be returned and chaos would ensue. Yes, essentially, I predict that there would be a role reversal.

So bad news is good news for those who are already in a good place. The people who are being affected by the wars, the poverty and whatever else? Life as usual.

Another day in sunny Zimbabwe/Congo/Rwanda/Nigeria/Iraq/Iran etc.

Just another night spent in a cardboard box by the guy underneath the bridge.

Just another violent incident.

Just another family going hungry – again.

Sickening, isn’t it? Don’t think about it too hard, you’ll get far too depressed. But the news is there to remind you that these things exist – and that you are better off than someone else. It will make you *happy enough*, but its not there to uplift your spirits.

Just this morning, I read an article entitled “Don’t tase me, bro! The UN says it’s torture!” – I’m sure you all saw the video on Youtube of the Florida student who got unnecessarily tasered, (though there are countless taser videos around) and I’m sure that those in jurisdictions which allow police to carry tasers – New Zealand and the USA, in particular – have witnessed or seen in the news various stories and controversy surrounding the devices.

The main problem I have with the devices is that, despite the claims of the manufacturer and the law enforcement, they *are* capable of killing the subject, although this may depend on the subjects physical condition – I don’t know myself if they affect pacemakers or whether they can provide the jolt ones heart/liver/kidney/whatever would need in order to fail altogether, and worse still – they seem to be used more frivolously than guns.

Anyway, this topic got me thinking that frozen dish most of you might call “revenge”. I’m all for it, where it’s warranted. I’ll get to that in a minute.

I know I can be a smartass. People who know me know I can be a smartass. But a cop is going to take me completely seriously. And I’m going to get fucked up if I am not *uber* careful.

For the record, I had a bit of a mental breakdown in June or July or something, at which point an entire team of cops came to collect me. Unfortunately, they had guns, but during the whole ordeal, all I could think was to take Henry Rollins advice in dealing with cops: I put my hands behind my head and repeated “I’m not resisting you”.

It seems that this doesn’t work in Finland, which is a worry. (I was taken to see a doctor who declared that I was just stressed, and was released from hospital later that day). But I reckon if the cops had tasers, or if I was in New Zealand where they do carry them – they would have tasered my ass (due to the circumstances under which they were called).

Back to my point. With this ruling, I can see that legally speaking, there would be cause for citizens to find out the name of the cop who tasered the person and kick his ass in court. But not a US court, because that would just be… well I don’t think it would work, to be honest, because it wasn’t the US who made this ruling.
I *know* that if the police tasered one of my relatives to death, I would be out for blood. Of course, I wouldn’t get my own hands dirty. No. I would be in touch with the U.N. and be finding out how to get this guy sent to The Hague – or at least to get them to put pressure on the government who is supposed to be controlling the cop to lock him away and melt the key.

I would make an example of the guy. Because for the most part, cops are motherfuckers. People on powertrips. It seems to be getting worse every year – younger cops seem to be far worse than older, more experienced ones. Myself, I’ve had dealings with them (as we all have, I’m sure) and I know if I was ever mistreated (or killed), I would hope that someone in my family would be doing some legal asskicking.

Anyway, I’m going to end it here for the time being – it feels a bit incomplete, but I’ll sum up simply by saying: trust no-one except yourself, trust even less your government and law enforcement, as they are bigger bullshitters than any one man could ever be.

Citizens should not have to live in fear of law enforcement, but with an increasing number of countries allowing the police (and even more inexperienced ones, at that), I’m afraid that trusting the powers that be is becoming even more difficult for even the most dedicated supporters